a sense of deja vu

There comes a point in every fantasy baseball season when I start to feel like I've been here before. It's kind of like being a Rangers fan. Mediocre team who doesn't deserve to make the playoffs & even if they got there, like my fantasy team has managed to slip in, they'd just get crushed in the first round, which would probably cause Tom Hicks to do something incredibly stupid, like reacquire Alex Rodriguez, or force Buck to put one of his sons in the starting rotation (and the sad part is they'd probably pitch better than Chan Ho ever did here, despite the fact they're all business executives whose most strenuous daily task is attempting to connect a four-way conference call).

Anyway, after I blindly bluffed my way through my football draft & then immediately accidentally traded for Randy Moss, I must have been feeling a little masochistic b/c I decided to take a closer look at my baseball team, which had recently and miraculously made the playoffs. Here is a breakdown of what happened with my drafted players:

C: Varitek/Barrett
Varitek had a down year. Luckily. He's currently on the DL, & the BoSox are busy sliding all the way out of the playoff race. Barrett turned out to be one of my pleasant surprises, except for the part where he punched AJ Pierzynski just for being AJ Pierzynski & got suspended for 10 games.

1B: Konerko/Morneau
Possibly my position of most boneheaded decisions. I sold my soul for speed early in the season, panicking after realizing I had drafted exactly one player with 10 stolen bases the previous year. So I gave away Konerko for Mike Sweeney, who immediately went on his bi-weekly trip to the DL, & Scott Podsednik, who has since not only stopped stealing bases, but also went ahead & stopped hitting too. ("Can't steal if you're never on base," his manager remarked, carefree as can be as I tried to keep from smashing my hand through my laptop.) Meanwhile, Morneau got off to a slow start & I, not thrilled about having drafted him in the first place, decided to cut bait. I picked up Chris Shelton, who spent a wonderful, magical month and a half emulating Big Papi & then did nothing for the next three. Of course it took me until mid-June to finally give up on him. Meanwhile Morneau started playing out of his mind the moment he realized he was free from my clutches & practically sprinted for 100 RBIs. It was a disaster.

2B: Utley/Loretta
Utley was my prize pick. I took him too early in the second round, but it's turned out he's been worth it several times over. He's a fantasy god among secondbasemen mortals. Loretta turned out to be a good pick, except I didn't keep him. Of course.

3B: A Ramirez/Chavez/E Encarnacion
This started out as my most loaded, greatest strength postion. I had a proven stud, Ramirez, a very steady & underrated producer, Chavez, & a touted sleeper, Encarnacion. Early on, it was peaches. Chavez was brilliant. I got all sorts of trade offers, but why would I trade him when he's having such a GREAT YEAR!?!? WHY OH WHY didn't I trade him!?! Chavez, bothered by injury, fell like a fat kid upon cake. Despite constant, infuriating talk of it, he selfishly refused to go on the DL, instead sitting on a wasted, undeserved & completely undroppable spot on my bench for the entire year, slowly eating away at my soul & patience until, when I saw him at a Rangers game last week, I wanted to go up to him & shake him screaming "WHY?!? WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS?!?!" But probably I'd get banned from the Ballpark & then I wouldn't have to the yearly pleasure of watching the Rangers finish third again.

SS: Barmes/Renteria
Barmes, so solid last year until a freak injury involving deer meat & my fantasy nemesis Todd Helton (who taught me hate & distrust & so many other life lessons), immediately began a yearlong quest to lose his job. Dropping him long ago, I've spent most of the year living off one shortstop. Luckily, Renteria had a solid year, or else I might have had to jump out a window.

OF: C Lee/Wells/Mench/Pena
"A constant source of aggravation and despair" is probably how I'd describe my outfield. Lee was fantastic, until he was traded to the Rangers of course. ("TEXAS: Where Pennant Races & Good Fantasy Years Go to Die.") Wells had a good year. And that's about as much as you can say about my outfield. Mench had that well-documented shoe-propelled 7-homers-in-7-games dream fantasy stretch, then proceeded to fade to oblivion & eventually get traded to it (Milwaukee). Pena started out as a sparingly-used bench player who--my guys always have the best timing--got a chance to start pretty much as I was dropping him.

SP: Santana/Schmidt/Sheets/Suppan/C Lee/Perez
Santana was Santana. My gamble on Schmidt paid off, he has 10 wins & an ERA under 4. My ridiculously moronic pick of Sheets in the 7th round proved even more stupid than I'd originally thought. He had three separate vacations at his second home, the DL. To be fair, he also won me the "Whose Key Fantasy Player Will Land on the DL the Fastest" award in my league by not even making it to opening day. So, you know, thanks Ben! Suppan & Perez were both worthless, Cliff Lee was up & down & exasperatingly never bad enough to drop, causing me to watch occassional Indians games on ESPN when he was starting with a death grip on the couch arm.

RP: Rivera/Weathers
Rivera is having a slightly below-average season & didn't justify a 4th round pick. David Weathers had one good month & then went back to being David Weathers. Luckily, this was the position I had some excellent waiver wire luck. The first time the BoSox were in town to play the Rangers, I watched a starter-turned-setup-guy I'd never heard of named Jonathon Papelbon take the closer job away from Keith Foulke in two days. Before he'd even struck out his last Ranger on his way to helping the Rangers start what was obviously going to be yet another truly painful season, I was running to my computer to pick him up. Later in the season, when Buck finally gave up on "Win Stopper" Coco Cordero & gave him a "break" from the closer job for a week, I rushed to pick up Akinori Otsuka. Coco went to oblivion (Milwaukee) & Aki got 26 saves for my team.

So in conclusion, I'm going to the playoffs, proving once again that even a clueless commoner like myself can manage a team better than Tom Hicks & Buck Showalter.