Fantasy Basketball 2006: An Exercise in Panic & Gut-Wrenching Regret

It’s fall…football/hockey/basketball season. Drafts all over the place… As per usual, Amy F [one in A Mylion] & I do not own the first pick.

selflessamy: you're 7, I'm 8
selflessamy: it's like clockwork
one in A MYlion: that's so sad
one in A MYlion: well i'm hoping someone takes kobe ahead of me
one in A MYlion: i don't want that decision
selflessamy: I don't want him
selflessamy: first of all, he's a jerk
selflessamy: also he had knee surgery

At 8, I expect to be in the Kobe/Brand/Arenas/TD range. I hate Kobe, I got Brand in the second round last year (so first round seems high, even though he had a fantastic year) & TD chose the one year I chose to draft him to have some sort of ridiculous, selfish foot infection. I do love Gilbert however…

one in A MYlion: it's starting!
one in A MYlion: I'm currently praying that they let matrix drop
one in A MYlion: he's probably the least well known

LeBron, KG & Dirk, who I managed to get at 5 two years ago, go quickly. D-Wade & Marion follow & apparently my dreams of stupid people in our league were for naught.

selflessamy: aw
selflessamy: it was a nice thought
one in A MYlion: omg...what if kobe is an option at 7

He’s not. Kobe goes at 6 & Amy F immediately takes Brand.

one in A MYlion: oh thank god
selflessamy: whew
selflessamy: I was afraid you'd pass on him & I'd be forced to take him
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: that would have been horrible & I'm not sure we would be able to remain friends

At 8, only one truly elite (supposedly) player remains. Gilbert! This causes a run of the best PGs, something that usually happens in the late second round, without me, & resulting in my being stuck w/someone like Tony Parker as my starting PG & highly increasing the chances I would jump out a window that season. But this year, I have Gilbert! So I can safely spend all of my self-hatred quota on center woes. Anyway, Chris Paul goes at 9, followed by AI &…

selflessamy: NASH!!
one in A MYlion: wow...nash in the first!

I still do not understand. I swear, I don’t hate him for leaving Dallas, but he plays EXACTLY THE SAME!! I’m pretty sure the first year I played fantasy, he went in like the 6th or 7th. He doesn’t even have a truly healthy Amare Stoudemire to throw to now & he’s gone in the first 3 years in a row. I just don’t get it.

The only other player I considered at 8, Tim “Debilitating Foot Infection” Duncan, otherwise known as the thorn in my first-round-pick side last year, is still on the board after Nash.

selflessamy: omg...no way TD gets back around, right?
one in A MYlion: even the yahoo rankings are low on him this year

Never mind, there he goes at 12. If you’re keeping score at home, I took him at 8 last year. Meanwhile, it is winding back around to me & 3 guys I am considering, AK47, Ray Allen & Paul Pierce, immediately go off the board.

selflessamy: WHO DO I WANT??!?
one in A MYlion: bosh?
one in A MYlion: yao?
selflessamy: Ben Wallace?
selflessamy: omg
selflessamy: what to do?!?

Well my favorite first round pick for 2 years, Jermaine “Not as long a suspension as Ron Artest for the Palace Brawl Debacle” O’Neal is still there. I mean, I guess? I’ve always had a soft spot for him, even if he’s been injured & not as good recently. But I mean, it is the second round… So I take him & Amy F immediately snaps up Yao. Jason Kidd, another thorn in my starting-PG-as-recently-as-2-year-ago side goes next. And 2 picks later…

selflessamy: and there it is
selflessamy: Amare in round 2
selflessamy: scary
one in A MYlion: and then...lamar odom
one in A MYlion: that doesn't seem right
selflessamy: hey, I had him last yr
selflessamy: he didn't suck
selflessamy: of course I got him in the 4th
one in A MYlion: true, but tmac is still there

VC, or as Bill Simmons said, VINCE CARTER IN A CONTRACT YEAR!!! goes at 23. I hadn’t read that Simmons column before the draft, or else I would have definitely taken him first overall. I mean damn. The Nets might freaking win the title. VINCE CARTER IN A CONTRACT YEAR!!!! Anyway, round 3…

selflessamy: wow, this already having a PG thing is AWESOME
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: usually this would be where I freak out

Round 3 starts w/T-Mac, who was a sure-fire first rounder 2 years ago. Now he goes in the third to make sure all his body parts get drafted with him.

selflessamy: next available on my list is Ron Artest...
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: that's terrifying
one in A MYlion: that's fun
selflessamy: heh
selflessamy: oh!
selflessamy: there he goes

Hmm. Ben Wallace might make it to me & I considered him in the second…&…yes! Amy F takes Joe Johnson.

selflessamy: don't suck Ben!
one in A MYlion: btw, was that too early for joe johnson?
selflessamy: yes
one in A MYlion: dammit
selflessamy: WAY early for Josh Smith
one in A MYlion: it's the PG thing
selflessamy: yep, here comes the run
selflessamy: do you have one yet?
one in A MYlion: yeah joe johnson
selflessamy: oh, I totally didn't see that
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: that's why i was asking

So now I have a PG, a PF/C & a pure C. Currently strategy is to fill out positions since nothing miraculous has happened, such as LeBron James dropping to the 4th round. Need a shooting guard.

selflessamy: omg...J-Rich??
one in A MYlion: oh god...it's way too early for everything to look so bleak
one in A MYlion: brad miller?
selflessamy: I have a center
selflessamy: I need a SG or SF
one in A MYlion: j rich is a SG
selflessamy: the SG pool really drops off after J-Rich
one in A MYlion: yeah
selflessamy: I really don't want freaking Manu

Gahhh, J-Rich is totally not a 4th round guy. But I’m not crazy about anyone else in this range either. Fine! This is so depressing already.

one in A MYlion: btw, another league?
selflessamy: yeah
selflessamy: next week sometime?
one in A MYlion: sure
one in A MYlion: in that case...this is our practice one
one in A MYlion: :P
selflessamy: heh
selflessamy: unless mines turns out fantastic

Antawn Jamison, who I still have warm fuzzy feeling for even though he only played one season for us & really doesn’t do all the much except score, goes 3 picks after Amy F take Brad Miller. Shaq goes in the last pick of the round & F-ing Manu goes first in the 5th. Next goes Chris Kaman & things are looking bleak.

one in A MYlion: good news....I'm considering stephon marbury
one in A MYlion: *sigh*
selflessamy: I WAS TOO!!

Amy F reluctantly takes Starbury. I continue to freak out about the SF situation. The best player available is Chris Webber. I can’t do that, can I? OMG. I can’t take Chris Webber! He’s hurt constantly & he whines & I always hated him when he was on the Kings… oh God, there’s no one left! We’ve even passed the Zach Randolph stage! I can’t believe what I’m about to do! This can’t be happening!!

selflessamy: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: OMG
one in A MYlion: that just happened
one in A MYlion: :P
selflessamy: OMGOMGOMG!!

I HAVE CHRIS WEBBER!! AHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

selflessamy: AHHH!!
selflessamy: he better not break
selflessamy: this is awful.

Chris Webber in the 5th round. Chris Webber in the 5th round. Chris Webber in the 5TH ROUND!! Oh God, it’s winding back around to me. I STILL need a SF!!

selflessamy: oh no!!
selflessamy: Shane Battier?!?!
one in A MYlion: i guess
one in A MYlion: that's who i have next too
selflessamy: this? officially blows
one in A MYlion: yeah...this is why its the practice draft
selflessamy: I understand now

This is a disaster. Shane Battier is my starting SF. No good can come of this. Meanwhile the bad picks continue.

selflessamy: holy crap, DARKO
one in A MYlion: that also seems really early
one in A MYlion: i think someone's been reading too many sleepers lists

Amy F makes a nice pick in Josh Howard. I am still depressed about the Webber/Battier disaster.

selflessamy: I considered taking Baron Davis
selflessamy: just now
selflessamy: really
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: I can't believe Shane Battier is my starting SF
selflessamy: can this be good for my fantasy yr?
selflessamy: I don't see how
one in A MYlion: haha

Baron Davis, who looked like he might make it back around where either Amy F or I would be obligated to take him, is snatched up late in Round 6. Tony Parker & Ben Gordon go early in the 7th.

selflessamy: guess people are starting to realize we're running out of decent guards
one in A MYlion: yeah
selflessamy: I mean, I'm starting to realize that
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: true that
one in A MYlion: I'm eyeing larry hughes
one in A MYlion: *sigh*

This draft is beginning to get a “several rounds too deep for good players” feel. It’s not a good feeling.

selflessamy: somebody's about to take Adam Morrison
selflessamy: I can feel it
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: and we're going to laugh a lot
selflessamy: it'd be funnier if he wasn't third down on my available list
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: there's a ways to go on my list because I lowered him due to pure annoyance with the damn moustache
selflessamy: good point

All positions filled & I need to go back to best player available/eye on sensitive positions (PG or C)… I pass on Corey Maggette, who had another one of his often injured/when when he’s healthy seasons for me last year, when I took him in the third. I have a terrible feeling, like maybe this is a bad idea. Then again, it was probably from taking Mike James in the 7th.

selflessamy: I just want you to know, I got this dude off waivers last year
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: the nba is so weird sometimes
selflessamy: …& there goes Maggette
selflessamy: probably he'll have a fantastic year now

We were are in the depressing Sam Cassell/Mike Miller/Danny Granger range. It’s only the 8th round.

selflessamy: here's who is left on my Forward list: Nenad Krstic, Wally World, Channing Frye
selflessamy: SIX MORE ROUNDS TO GO!!
one in A MYlion: haha

I’m looking for a backup C now. Sam Dalembert, my old waiver wire friend/find is still around…& then he’s not.

selflessamy: OH NO!! Dalembert!!
selflessamy: next C on my list is Raef!!
one in A MYlion: oh....that's horrible

As I am reluctantly pressing the button to take Nenad Krstic as my backup center, I can only console myself that Nazr Mohammed went 2 picks ago.

selflessamy: oh God
one in A MYlion: oh dear
selflessamy: everything sucks
one in A MYlion: that's true

Meanwhile, Amy F has taken Ricky Davis, I believe not for the first time. Wow. Brave.

selflessamy: oh look, Mike Dunleavy's still there
selflessamy: F YOU, Mike Dunleavy!
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: the only thought is.....nellie ball?
selflessamy: I don’t care.

Roud 9 rolls around & we are scraping the barrel.

one in A MYlion: so he took wally right before me
one in A MYlion: *sigh*
selflessamy: I can't believe I'm kinda depressed about that
one in A MYlion: haha

In Round 10, Mike “Breakout year, my butt!!” Dunleavy goes 3 picks after I take 3-point specialist (should I really be taking specialists in Round 10?) Kyle Korver & 2 picks after Amy F takes Vladimir Radmanovic for the second year in a row. Round 11.

one in A MYlion: whoa....antoine walker is still in the league...why isn't him higher?
selflessamy: omg...don't do it...
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: didn't happen
selflessamy: oh...thank God
one in A MYlion: but didn't he have an okay year last year?
selflessamy: I don't care

Ah, Antoine Walker. I love Jamison, but the Antoine/Antawn year in Dallas was a fiasco. It basically made me vow never, ever to draft selfish, ball-hogging, low shooting % Antoine Freak Walker. Amy takes Rafer Alston. Meanwhile, I am having massive internal conflict.

selflessamy: something very bad is about to happen
one in A MYlion: lol
one in A MYlion: i sense it already
selflessamy: here it comes

Yes. It was Kurt Thomas time.

one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: L:YIO#HIJE:Oui4uou43jiodsjfhhi;

This is officially a disaster. I have Chris Webber AND Kurt Thomas. I have Chris Webber and Kurt Thomas!!

selflessamy: you know your fantasy draft has gone horribly horribly wrong when...
selflessamy: someone just took Damp...I feel marginally better
one in A MYlion: totally

Finally, in the 12th & last round, after I am forced to take someone whose first name is Smush, Amy F takes almost the full two minutes to finally resign to what she was about to do. Tragically, Antoine Freaking Walker has fallen out of the top ten rounds. Meanwhile people were starting to take guys like “Legally Insane” Stephen Jackson & Raef LaFrentz. And so…

selflessamy: oh. no.
one in A MYlion: well that made me shudder
selflessamy: me too, dude, me too
selflessamy: now I know why it took you almost the whole time
one in A MYlion: no kidding right?

Well that seals it as far as whether we’re doing another league. I can’t get over it. Antoine Freaking Walker!

selflessamy: wow
selflessamy: nice practice draft!
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: I still can't believe I have Webber & Kurt Thomas
selflessamy: that was good times
one in A MYlion: yeah
one in A MYlion: fun
one in A MYlion: it was done just to pass the time and practice for the next draft
selflessamy: right
selflessamy: definitely
selflessamy: I'm all warmed up for the real draft now
one in A MYlion: totally
selflessamy: I still can't believe I'm starting C-Webb
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: i have antoine walker
one in A MYlion: *sigh*
selflessamy: I'm so, so sorry
one in A MYlion: he's firmly on the bench
selflessamy: what if all your other guys suck?
selflessamy: do u stick to your principles?
one in A MYlion: yeah
selflessamy: good for you!