amazingly, I did not own Todd Bertuzzi

Yeah. I had Jermaine O'Neal the year of the Palace Brawl. First round pick, even. I had Kenny Rogers last year, although I did manage to trade him one week before he took out the cameraman.

So yes, of course I own Michael Barrett, he of inexplicable-punch-to-AJ-Pierzynski-possibly-solely-because-he-is-AJ-Pierzynski fame.

The suspension hasn't come down, which is only making me angrier because, in my panic, I had put Barrett on my bench & played ice cold Jason Varitek, thereby missing Barrett's RBI triple the next day after taking consecutive 0-fers from him before the brawl.

I should go back & make sure I didn't own Todd Bertuzzi. He'd fit right in on my team.

Can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent & horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you're doing & listen...

CANNONBALL!!

...No, actually, the very important announcement is... I have so totally WON my fantasy hockey league. YEAH!! Not just by a little either. No, I spanked that puppy. Won by 12.5 points, baby! I am AWESOME.

This is GREAT news b/c it looks like it's gonna be a looooong summer for fantasy baseball.

stay calm!

Ok. So in preparation for my fantasy hockey draft tomorrow, let's go over who I should get in the first round if all goes right, which it won't. I always think they go right & then it always turns out I put myself out of the running for the season just by showing up.

But anyway, here's my top 12.

1.) Martin Brodeur. Automatic.
2.) Marcus Naslund. Almost entirely on the basis of how cool that Nike commercial was.
3.) Joe Thorton. I mean, what are the chances he'll get arrested again, am I right?
4.) Jarome Iginla. That's "Captain" Stud to you.
5.) Marty Turco. The plan is, get either Brodeur, Turco or Kipper in the first round, or pick up the stud forward first & wait for a second tier guy in the second or third round. The plan may fail miserably.
6.) Sergei Gonchar. Defense is the second base of fantasy hockey. There are only so many elite guys. But still, I'd hate to use a first rounder on a D.
7.) Martin St Louis. I've always said shorter is better, & that has nothing to do w/the fact that I'm 5'2".
8.) Miika Kiprusoff. The shaky plan makes me very, very nervous.
9.) Joe Sakic. Mr Consistency. But then, that's what they used to call Modano.
10.) Brad Richards. You can only be underrated for so long.
11.) Marian Hossa. Extremely concerned about this whole "being in Atlanta, which is not Ottawa" thing.
12.) Rick Nash. Can you believe I got this guy on the waiver wire last year? I rule.

My designated sleepers include: Jason Spezza, Brenden Morrow (I'm a Stars homer, but I also had him last year & he is more than worth the 5th round pick I got him for... he is 25-30 goals, 110+ PIMs & many many power play points waiting to happen), Dwayne Roloson for my second goalie & Chris Simon.

And the answer is yes, I'll draft Mike Modano... if he's there in the 4th round or later.

My experience in live drafts is that it involves a lot of panic & devastation & thus, the better to record these wonderful moments for posperity, I will be keeping a draft journal. We'll see how it goes.

Introduction: Welcome to Suckville

I'm creating this blog primarily as a way to vent my constant & never-ending frustration over my various fantasy sports teams. Of course I can use it to celebrate good fantasy moments as well... but don't worry, those moments are few & far between.

This is my second year playing fantasy basketball. I've also played fantasy hockey & this is my first year doing baseball. And dear God, am I terrible at it. I mean, I suck. I've never finished higher than 3rd in a league (my second basketball team this year, where I managed to draft Dirk Nowitzki, regular season superstud, 5th) & it looks like I'm headed toward not being anywhere near that in my two baseball leagues this year.

To be fair, I've never really even followed baseball that closely before last year. I drafted purely by following expert suggestions. And to that I say: F you, Todd Helton.