I take it back

Sheets is the AntiChrist. Muscle tear? How can you do this to me?

Rangers fans, have you noticed how K-Mench & Chris Young have been tearing it up since I let them both go about two weeks ago? No need to thank me. Just taking one for the team.

Mike Mussina hates my guts

M. Mussina 4.1IP 6H 8R 8ER 2BB 4K 1HR

How can you let that happen? OMG! The 5th inning scoring summary makes me want to throw up in my own mouth.

Meanwhile, I had the distinct pleasure of watching Ichiro take an 0-fer in person today. He is lucky I'm a Ranger fan or I would be seriously pissed off right now.

Is Ben Sheets the AntiChrist? A meaningful & spiritual discussion.

Let's just take a nice look at that line, hmm Ben?

B. Sheets 6.0IP 13H 10R 10ER 0BB 7K 1HR

That was really mean of you to let me build up confidence in you by having several really solid starts in a row. Ironically, you also managed to get bombed by the very Colorado hitters I've been willing to get going for weeks now. So at least I got 5 hits, 5 runs & 2 RBI (& 7 Ks) out of it.

Alright fine. I guess Ben Sheets isn't the AntiChrist.

Then it has to be Brazobán, right?

Jeff Francoeur internal monologue after seeing Ames benched him in both leagues

Oh yeah?

*hits 3-run homer*

How do you them apples, mo-fo?

<3 <3 <3

Chris Carpenter is the man.

"El Sucko" Brazobán loses closer job in LA, maintains undeserved spot on Ames' roster

I refuse to be the one who gave up on Brazobán when LA did & then missed out on however many saves he ends up getting when he rounds back into form & wins his job back when the Dodgers realize they have no other options. Enjoy the bench, Yhency.

The Rangers continue to lose, but on the bright side, Hideki Matsui & Jorge Posada apparently really, really like playing against them. Hey, I might as well get something out of these games. Meanwhile Kevin Mench, glued to my bench since the ASB, is now batting 8th in the order. I've got tickets to a game on their next homestand, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind, that a-hole.

Jeff Francoeur has another human night, dropping his average to around .400 & making me nervous that he's finally about to return to Earth. No, no, Jeff, you don't want to do that. Earth's no fun, trust me.

Today, let's look at my increasingly infuriating pitching situations. In the league where I'm 4th, here's how my staff looks:

• reliable starters: Carpenter, Willis & Sheets
• touch & go starters: Mussina, Arroyo & C. Lee
• reliable relievers: K-Rod & B. Looper
• idiot who lost his job but only after tricking Ames into buying into him: Brazobán

So clearly, while I have my issues w/offense in that league, no one is crying for me. However, always a source for tears is my staff in the league where I'm now 9th:

• starter I drafted too high not to always start despite being just okay this season: Santana
• unreliable, inconsistent, unproven & generally bad starters who are, at their core, the reason I started this blog so I can have somewhere to complain about them: Maddux, Chacin, Silva, Robertson, & J. Sosa
• closer who has been okay, I guess, but is really a huge disappointment considering last season & who hardly ever gets to pitch b/c his team is too busy blowing leads before he gets a chance: F. Cordero
• relievers I was forced to rely on off the waiver wire b/c all my other relievers either sucked & got dropped or had season-ending surgery (I'm looking at you, stupid Eric Gagne): Shields & Duchscherer
• resident DL inhabitant who I wasted a draft pick on: Escobar

And now I want to go jump out a window. Other pitchers who collected big fat ERAs for me during the season include: Al "Threat to Retire In-Game" Leiter, "Don't Vote For" Pedro Astacio & amazingly, 3 other members of the Rangers opening day rotation, which I believe speaks to the depth of pitching woes in much the same way owning members of the Kansas City Royals not named Mike Sweeney speaks to a distinct inevitable failure in hitting categories.

Is starting Mike Mussina against the Rangers really a good idea? Probably not. But I'm going to do it anyway.

Memo to Bronson Arroyo: You are white.

Is there anything worse than not playing a player against your hometown team & then having that player totally excel? So then your team loses AND you didn't even get the fantasy points out of it. Is soooo depressing & predictable.

So Arroyo, who was wearing cornrolls in an effort to look as much as possible like the White Ghetto Baseball Dork From Outer Space, ended up going 7 innings & picking up the win & the Rangers get swept. By the way, it appears the only people in the entire world who are still in denial over the face that the Rangers are so far out of the playoff race, they can't even see where the race is anymore, is the management.

Buck's still talking about how he expects Richard Hidalgo to be back before the end of the season. Dear God, WHY? There is no reason to this madness. We are out of the race! It's over! Why waste a spot in the lineup on that spare when you can plug in a young kid to see what you've got? I know! I stuck with that loser on my roster for way too long at the beginning of the season, just waiting for the promised hot streak, waiting & waiting & eventually beginning to fantasize about sneaking into the Ballpark one day, grabbing Hidalgo when no one's looking, backing him against a wall & screaming at him, "WHY?!? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?"

But probably the police wouldn't understand when I explained about how I wasted a 15th round on him & his huge bag of nothing.

Coco Cordero still hasn't had a save yet this month & his appearances are starting to get further & further apart & it makes me ANGRY!

If you take a good solid look at David DeJesus's stats & realize that just a week ago, I was starting him regularly in the outfield, you will understand why I'm so far back in this league.

Against my better judgment, I'm letting Maddux start tomorrow against St. Louis. Hey, he's got good career numbers against them! And if you ignore the 6 runs he allowed against Arizona, he actually hasn't allowed more than 3 runs in his last 6 starts!

You're right. He's going to get smashed.

jumping out a window won't help that ERA ranking

Okay, so recapping the season so far... I'm in 4th in one league, 9th in the other.

Boneheaded moves I've made:

• Gave up on Javier Vázquez after 2 starts (37.80 ERA, 6.00 WHIP, no wins). He's now 9-10 with a 4.24 ERA & I'm scraping the bottom in almost all pitching categories.
• Drafted Mark Loretta (16 HRs last year) to be my starting 2B. He's up to 1 homer now, but I dropped him long before he even got that.
• Had 9-2 reliever Jesse Crain during his what might have been his only bad stretch (16.88 ERA, no wins) of the season.
• Gave up on Tom Gordon (8.44 ERA, 2 K, no wins when I had him) pretty much directly before he remembered he didn't suck (5-4, 2.92 ERA, 52 K on the season).
• Drafted Todd Helton (career .335 hitter, averaging 30-40 HR a year) in the first round. Those 11 HRs sure do look lovely sitting on the DL right now.
• Yeah. Kevin Mench? Totally sitting on my bench for his 3 HR, 5 RBI game. This after a week of taking 0-fers & finally deciding to punish the guy. *facepalm*

A few of my good moves, so I don't cry:

• Chris Carpenter (16-4, 2.26 ERA) in the 11th round. Boo-yah.
• Dontrelle Willis (15-7, 2.87 ERA)in the 15th round. Double boo-yah.
• Traded Kenny Rogers away the week before the cameraman fiasco.

So... can I really drop Greg Maddux? I mean, yeah, he hasn't won since July 10. And the Cubs keep losing games like 6-13. But the man has 313 career wins. I don't think I can do this.

Potential disaster tomorrow: Nate Robertson vs Gustavo Chacin, I own them both (yes, I'm well aware how sad that is, thanks). I'm only playing Chacin on account of Robertson has not allowed fewer than 5 runs a game since I picked him up. But usually when I take one pitcher over another I own, it means the one I didn't take is getting ready to try for a perfect game. This might be a great time to pick up Robertson if you're playing along at home.

Introduction: Welcome to Suckville

I'm creating this blog primarily as a way to vent my constant & never-ending frustration over my various fantasy sports teams. Of course I can use it to celebrate good fantasy moments as well... but don't worry, those moments are few & far between.

This is my second year playing fantasy basketball. I've also played fantasy hockey & this is my first year doing baseball. And dear God, am I terrible at it. I mean, I suck. I've never finished higher than 3rd in a league (my second basketball team this year, where I managed to draft Dirk Nowitzki, regular season superstud, 5th) & it looks like I'm headed toward not being anywhere near that in my two baseball leagues this year.

To be fair, I've never really even followed baseball that closely before last year. I drafted purely by following expert suggestions. And to that I say: F you, Todd Helton.