Thursday, October 25, 2007

too depressed to blog

"Megan Manfull, of the Houston Chronicle, reports Houston Texans QB Matt
Schaub (ankle, thigh, hip, back) split reps with QB Sage Rosenfels Thursday,
Oct. 25. Schaub could start Week 8."

Ankle, thigh, hip, back. Awesome.

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Fantasy Baseball 2007 Draft Diary: Overcoming Unusually Good Odds of Drafting a Competent Team, One Misguided Pick at a Time

Fed up with years of leagues run by groups of high school friends &, in the case of our last basketball league, Germans, for our second baseball league this year, Amy F & I decided, hey. We’ve done this enough to know how to run a league. Why don’t one of us try to be commissioner this time? So Amy F started a league. We also got her sister Jean to join. Amy F is one in AMYlion, I am selflessamy

one in A MYlion: btw, i could have order myself first in the draft but i didn't
one in A MYlion: i'm leaving it up to chance
selflessamy: way to have principles, my friend
one in A MYlion: thanks
one in A MYlion: it took some willpower
selflessamy: I'm sure it did, since it will never, ever happen by chance
one in A MYlion: perhaps this time
selflessamy: I'm glad one of us hasn't given up on the dream

But haha, the joke was on me b/c lo & behold, what do I see when the order comes up?

selflessamy: HEY! you ARE first
one in A MYlion: um...i didn't do it?
selflessamy: then good things come to those who are virtuous!
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: this has never happened before....
selflessamy: are you going Albert??
selflessamy: this is so exciting
one in A MYlion: yeah
one in A MYlion: it's really the only way to go

Never ever, in all our years of fantasy, have either of us had the number 1 pick. Don’t worry, I still had the 6th pick, but still. Very exciting stuff. Jean is drafting last & will hold the coveted back-to-back picks.

selflessamy: I hate being in A-Rod range
selflessamy: I am really hoping someone takes Santana too high again
one in A MYlion: yeah
one in A MYlion: i should take Dice-K first
selflessamy: hee
selflessamy: that'd throw everyone off
selflessamy: this team "Blown Out Knees" gave me the idea for my next hockey team name
selflessamy: it's gonna be called "Lower Body Injury"
selflessamy: either that or "Flu-Like Symptoms"

And off we go. Amy takes Pujols. It’s as awesome as I’ve always dreamed it would be. Reyes, A-Rod & Sori go quickly &… In our first league, Ryan Howard dropped to me at 5, which I considered a borderline miracle, comparable in scope to that time I got Dirk at 5. The team at 5 here is taking the full 2 minutes…

one in A MYlion: if howard drops to you...
one in A MYlion: omg....

YES! The team at 5 takes Crawford. My cursor barely turns yellow before I take Howard.

selflessamy: UNBELIEVABLE!!
one in A MYlion: i hate you
selflessamy: HAHA!
selflessamy: this is amazing

The only other interesting thing that happens in the first round, besides Jeter going too high in yet another draft, is the revealing of Jean’s Most Awesome Draft Strategy of All Time. See, the thing about being a player of fantasy sports is, you don’t actually get to put together your dream team. You’re not taking the players you like, you’re taking the ones you think will help you fill certain stat categories. A lot of times, you are forced to take players you loathe (Amy F taking Antoine Walker last year anyone?) b/c it is the intelligent choice at the moment. But Jean isn’t usually a fantasy player. And her strategy is, literally, to pick her fantasy team. A team of players she likes, without regard for their fantasy value or what round we’re in.

It’s actually kinda cool.

It also explains her back-to-back picks of Ichiro & Huston Street to kick off the second round.

selflessamy: uh oh Ichiro
one in A MYlion: yeah
selflessamy: UH OH
one in A MYlion: oh dear
one in A MYlion: she says that she doesn't care
selflessamy: interesting
one in A MYlion: i told her just to use the yahoo rankings....
selflessamy: well that could be disasterous also


I take universal mock draft 2nd rounder Carlos Beltran next. It doesn’t feel as good as you would think it would. That’s what it feels like to get a player at his approximately appropriate draft position. Very bleh. Meanwhile, Amy F has the incredibly awesome last pick of the 2nd/first pick of the 3rd back-to-backs, which almost always results in very good value…it does. She takes Manny & Sizemore.

selflessamy: I LOVE Sizemore
one in A MYlion: me too
selflessamy: hope you love just Manny being Manny...
one in A MYlion: i hope that means a lot of HR and RBIs
selflessamy: it means a lot of things
one in A MYlion: haha

Tex goes before it gets back to me, which is good b/c I was going to pass & felt insecure about it. Carlos Lee—who I gushed so much about, the fantasy gods punished me by getting him traded to the Rangers, where he immediately became just okay & then promptly fled to Houston in the offseason—goes right before my pick. I take another meh-value, Miguel Tejada. So underwhelming.

Joe Mauer, who I took in the 2nd in my other draft, goes right before Jean picks in the 3rd. I’m a little annoyed, since all the mocks I looked at had him as a first-rounder. Anyway, Jean takes Cano way too early & then recovers nicely with Morneau. You’ll remember, Morneau was my third 1B last year who started slow so I dropped him, so he naturally went on to win the AL MVP. Yeah. You’re surprised I didn’t have an entire blog entry devoted to him, aren’t you? It was too painful to talk about for a while. You have to give these things time.

Anyway, round 4 starts a run of good sluggers. Aramis Ramirez, Jason Bay & Vernon Wells go & I take Matt Holliday. Amy F takes Bobby Abreu & MY.

selflessamy: my OF is looking considerably better than that last league
one in A MYlion: i think my OF is done....
selflessamy: heh nice


Okay, the background to my next pick…in the other league, something strange happened & all the sure shot closers got snatched up early & I decided to wait it out for value picks. Only the value picks also got snatched up, so my only real closer in that league is JJ Putz. Things are not going well in that category. Anyway, I said all that so you would understand why I took BJ Ryan in Round 5.

selflessamy: I hope that wasn't a mistake just now

By now we’ve all realized it was an even worse mistake than I originally thought.

one in A MYlion: closer already?
one in A MYlion: wow
selflessamy: yeah um, I'm reacting poorly to what happened to me yesterday
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: OF and RP already?
selflessamy: shut up ;)

Apparently I set off a run of closers, b/c Nathan, Papelbon, K-Rod, Rivera, Hoffman & Putz all go in the next time around. Amy F takes Rivera & Sheets.

selflessamy: thank you for taking Sheets so I don't have to
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: sure
selflessamy: when's the earliest I'm allowed to look at Dice-K?
one in A MYlion: it's about now...

OMG should I do it? I don’t have an ace. A flyer can’t be the first SP I take, right? Right. So I take Bonderman & start praying Dice-K falls.

selflessamy: couldn't quite do it
one in A MYlion: haha

Meanwhile, Jean continues her path of destruction. She now owns every Oakland Athletic who is even remotely fantasy-worthy.

one in A MYlion: jean really likes the A's
selflessamy: yep
selflessamy: Haren is a sleeper of mine
selflessamy: but like in round 15

Unbelievably, with Dice-K still on the board, the team before me takes King Felix.

selflessamy: OMG...
one in A MYlion: is it time?

YES!

selflessamy: !!!!!
one in A MYlion: haha


Someone takes Aki Otsuka too early. I got him off waivers last year & he gave me 30+ saves. Gagne is currently on the DL with an absurd butt injury (I couldn’t make this s#&$ up if I wanted to), but I still don’t know if Aki’s a top 10 rounder.

selflessamy: hehe...Jean's going for every A that ever existed
one in A MYlion: it's true
one in A MYlion: it's the all A's team

Meanwhile things are not going well. I panic-pick Brad Lidge.

selflessamy: #jFJ(#SKJSJKLS
one in A MYlion: not feeling good about that one
selflessamy: I don't know how to feel!
selflessamy: where did you get Lidge?
selflessamy: later, right?
one in A MYlion: 10th round
selflessamy: oh ok good
selflessamy: the other guy I was looking at was a catcher & you know how much I hate drafting catchers
one in A MYlion: haha

Amy F takes Dan Uggla. This is a major problem b/c he is, in fact, one of the few remaining decent options at 2B.

one in A MYlion: i think i might have reached for uggla
selflessamy: I still don't have a 2B or a C
selflessamy: this may end up being a problem
one in A MYlion: that's why i have uggla
one in A MYlion: :(
selflessamy: heh
selflessamy: that smiley looks especially sad

Logically, I take Torii Hunter.

selflessamy: well, that wasn't a C or a 2B
selflessamy: my strategy is working
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: it's true

I finally (& it turns out tragically) take Ramon Hernandez in the 12th & Jeff Kent in the 13th.

selflessamy: f-ing Kent better not die during the season
one in A MYlion: that's a legit concern
selflessamy: was that insensitive?

Someone rather gutsy-ly takes GMJ. Then someone takes Howie Kendrick.

selflessamy: dammit, I wanted Kendrick, but like 2 rounds from now
one in A MYlion: haha

Amy F steals Felipe Lopez from under my nose after I debated taking him in the 14th. Then she takes List of 12 pick Chris Capuano in the 18th, one of my big sleepers that I was gearing up to take in one of late rounds.

selflessamy: I probably shouldn't be looking up Pettite's health status AFTER I draft him, huh
selflessamy: you stole my pick again...wtf dude
selflessamy: do you secretly hate me?
one in A MYlion: haha that's what I'm here for
selflessamy: how are you reading my mind????


I settle for taking a flyer on Jered Weaver, current DL resident, & my ill-advised sleeper (as it turns out) Gerald Laird.

selflessamy: I was gonna take Betancourt, but apparently he has to go testify against the guy who smuggled him into the country illegally...
one in A MYlion: wow, he's kinda selling out there...
selflessamy: yeah I know
selflessamy: you know what that says to me...not trustworthy
one in A MYlion: yeah....

I take multi-position phenom Rich Aurilia as my final pick & we’re done. My team & where it’s at now…

C: Hernandez (who immediately retreated to the DL), Laird (who quickly established new standards of suck), John Buck (you know you are desperate for hitting when you pick up a Kansas City Royal)
1B: Howard, Fielder
2B: Kent, Durham
3B: Hall, C Jones
SS: Tejada, Aurilia
OF: Beltran, Holliday, Francoeur, Hunter
SP: Bonderman, Dice-K (who it turns out, I have since been forced to trade for Joe Nathan), Mussina, Pettite, Jered Weaver (still on the DL)
RP: Ryan (disaster, hopefully not done for the year), Lidge (disaster, wasting away on the bench), Nathan (trade), Weathers (waiver wire claim for the 3rd year in a row)


selflessamy: "John Patterson "kind of passed out" Saturday after shagging flies during batting practice, manager Manny Acta said. The club said Patterson complained of dehydration and was given intravenous fluids. He's expected to make his next start and pitch on Opening Day for the Nats."
selflessamy: is this someone I want to pick up off waivers for one start?
one in A MYlion: um....he sounds kinda weak
one in A MYlion: perhaps you can just play him on cloudy days?
selflessamy: hehe

Play Ball!

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Saturday, November 18, 2006

*strangled noise*

Ben Wallace.

Torn biceps.

jkjl dsgrgiruiukjfkds. ds;llcfkiogdjvgukrur98u9438u#*&!hfjhsij2i3221111111

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Friday, November 10, 2006

Fantasy Basketball 2006: An Exercise in Panic & Gut-Wrenching Regret

It’s fall…football/hockey/basketball season. Drafts all over the place… As per usual, Amy F [one in A Mylion] & I do not own the first pick.

selflessamy: you're 7, I'm 8
selflessamy: it's like clockwork
one in A MYlion: that's so sad
one in A MYlion: well i'm hoping someone takes kobe ahead of me
one in A MYlion: i don't want that decision
selflessamy: I don't want him
selflessamy: first of all, he's a jerk
selflessamy: also he had knee surgery

At 8, I expect to be in the Kobe/Brand/Arenas/TD range. I hate Kobe, I got Brand in the second round last year (so first round seems high, even though he had a fantastic year) & TD chose the one year I chose to draft him to have some sort of ridiculous, selfish foot infection. I do love Gilbert however…

one in A MYlion: it's starting!
one in A MYlion: I'm currently praying that they let matrix drop
one in A MYlion: he's probably the least well known

LeBron, KG & Dirk, who I managed to get at 5 two years ago, go quickly. D-Wade & Marion follow & apparently my dreams of stupid people in our league were for naught.

selflessamy: aw
selflessamy: it was a nice thought
one in A MYlion: omg...what if kobe is an option at 7

He’s not. Kobe goes at 6 & Amy F immediately takes Brand.

one in A MYlion: oh thank god
selflessamy: whew
selflessamy: I was afraid you'd pass on him & I'd be forced to take him
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: that would have been horrible & I'm not sure we would be able to remain friends

At 8, only one truly elite (supposedly) player remains. Gilbert! This causes a run of the best PGs, something that usually happens in the late second round, without me, & resulting in my being stuck w/someone like Tony Parker as my starting PG & highly increasing the chances I would jump out a window that season. But this year, I have Gilbert! So I can safely spend all of my self-hatred quota on center woes. Anyway, Chris Paul goes at 9, followed by AI &…

selflessamy: NASH!!
one in A MYlion: wow...nash in the first!

I still do not understand. I swear, I don’t hate him for leaving Dallas, but he plays EXACTLY THE SAME!! I’m pretty sure the first year I played fantasy, he went in like the 6th or 7th. He doesn’t even have a truly healthy Amare Stoudemire to throw to now & he’s gone in the first 3 years in a row. I just don’t get it.

The only other player I considered at 8, Tim “Debilitating Foot Infection” Duncan, otherwise known as the thorn in my first-round-pick side last year, is still on the board after Nash.

selflessamy: omg...no way TD gets back around, right?
one in A MYlion: even the yahoo rankings are low on him this year

Never mind, there he goes at 12. If you’re keeping score at home, I took him at 8 last year. Meanwhile, it is winding back around to me & 3 guys I am considering, AK47, Ray Allen & Paul Pierce, immediately go off the board.

selflessamy: WHO DO I WANT??!?
one in A MYlion: bosh?
one in A MYlion: yao?
selflessamy: Ben Wallace?
selflessamy: omg
selflessamy: what to do?!?

Well my favorite first round pick for 2 years, Jermaine “Not as long a suspension as Ron Artest for the Palace Brawl Debacle” O’Neal is still there. I mean, I guess? I’ve always had a soft spot for him, even if he’s been injured & not as good recently. But I mean, it is the second round… So I take him & Amy F immediately snaps up Yao. Jason Kidd, another thorn in my starting-PG-as-recently-as-2-year-ago side goes next. And 2 picks later…

selflessamy: and there it is
selflessamy: Amare in round 2
selflessamy: scary
one in A MYlion: and then...lamar odom
one in A MYlion: that doesn't seem right
selflessamy: hey, I had him last yr
selflessamy: he didn't suck
selflessamy: of course I got him in the 4th
one in A MYlion: true, but tmac is still there

VC, or as Bill Simmons said, VINCE CARTER IN A CONTRACT YEAR!!! goes at 23. I hadn’t read that Simmons column before the draft, or else I would have definitely taken him first overall. I mean damn. The Nets might freaking win the title. VINCE CARTER IN A CONTRACT YEAR!!!! Anyway, round 3…

selflessamy: wow, this already having a PG thing is AWESOME
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: usually this would be where I freak out

Round 3 starts w/T-Mac, who was a sure-fire first rounder 2 years ago. Now he goes in the third to make sure all his body parts get drafted with him.

selflessamy: next available on my list is Ron Artest...
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: that's terrifying
one in A MYlion: that's fun
selflessamy: heh
selflessamy: oh!
selflessamy: there he goes

Hmm. Ben Wallace might make it to me & I considered him in the second…&…yes! Amy F takes Joe Johnson.

selflessamy: don't suck Ben!
one in A MYlion: btw, was that too early for joe johnson?
selflessamy: yes
one in A MYlion: dammit
selflessamy: WAY early for Josh Smith
one in A MYlion: it's the PG thing
selflessamy: yep, here comes the run
selflessamy: do you have one yet?
one in A MYlion: yeah joe johnson
selflessamy: oh, I totally didn't see that
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: that's why i was asking


So now I have a PG, a PF/C & a pure C. Currently strategy is to fill out positions since nothing miraculous has happened, such as LeBron James dropping to the 4th round. Need a shooting guard.

selflessamy: omg...J-Rich??
one in A MYlion: oh god...it's way too early for everything to look so bleak
one in A MYlion: brad miller?
selflessamy: I have a center
selflessamy: I need a SG or SF
one in A MYlion: j rich is a SG
selflessamy: the SG pool really drops off after J-Rich
one in A MYlion: yeah
selflessamy: I really don't want freaking Manu

Gahhh, J-Rich is totally not a 4th round guy. But I’m not crazy about anyone else in this range either. Fine! This is so depressing already.

one in A MYlion: btw, another league?
selflessamy: yeah
selflessamy: next week sometime?
one in A MYlion: sure
one in A MYlion: in that case...this is our practice one
one in A MYlion: :P
selflessamy: heh
selflessamy: unless mines turns out fantastic

Antawn Jamison, who I still have warm fuzzy feeling for even though he only played one season for us & really doesn’t do all the much except score, goes 3 picks after Amy F take Brad Miller. Shaq goes in the last pick of the round & F-ing Manu goes first in the 5th. Next goes Chris Kaman & things are looking bleak.

one in A MYlion: good news....I'm considering stephon marbury
one in A MYlion: *sigh*
selflessamy: I WAS TOO!!

Amy F reluctantly takes Starbury. I continue to freak out about the SF situation. The best player available is Chris Webber. I can’t do that, can I? OMG. I can’t take Chris Webber! He’s hurt constantly & he whines & I always hated him when he was on the Kings… oh God, there’s no one left! We’ve even passed the Zach Randolph stage! I can’t believe what I’m about to do! This can’t be happening!!

selflessamy: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: OMG
one in A MYlion: that just happened
one in A MYlion: :P
selflessamy: OMGOMGOMG!!

I HAVE CHRIS WEBBER!! AHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

selflessamy: AHHH!!
selflessamy: he better not break
selflessamy: this is awful.


Chris Webber in the 5th round. Chris Webber in the 5th round. Chris Webber in the 5TH ROUND!! Oh God, it’s winding back around to me. I STILL need a SF!!

selflessamy: oh no!!
selflessamy: Shane Battier?!?!
one in A MYlion: i guess
one in A MYlion: that's who i have next too
selflessamy: this? officially blows
one in A MYlion: yeah...this is why its the practice draft
selflessamy: I understand now

This is a disaster. Shane Battier is my starting SF. No good can come of this. Meanwhile the bad picks continue.

selflessamy: holy crap, DARKO
one in A MYlion: that also seems really early
one in A MYlion: i think someone's been reading too many sleepers lists

Amy F makes a nice pick in Josh Howard. I am still depressed about the Webber/Battier disaster.

selflessamy: I considered taking Baron Davis
selflessamy: just now
selflessamy: really
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: I can't believe Shane Battier is my starting SF
selflessamy: can this be good for my fantasy yr?
selflessamy: I don't see how
one in A MYlion: haha

Baron Davis, who looked like he might make it back around where either Amy F or I would be obligated to take him, is snatched up late in Round 6. Tony Parker & Ben Gordon go early in the 7th.

selflessamy: guess people are starting to realize we're running out of decent guards
one in A MYlion: yeah
selflessamy: I mean, I'm starting to realize that
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: true that
one in A MYlion: I'm eyeing larry hughes
one in A MYlion: *sigh*

This draft is beginning to get a “several rounds too deep for good players” feel. It’s not a good feeling.

selflessamy: somebody's about to take Adam Morrison
selflessamy: I can feel it
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: and we're going to laugh a lot
selflessamy: it'd be funnier if he wasn't third down on my available list
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: there's a ways to go on my list because I lowered him due to pure annoyance with the damn moustache
selflessamy: good point

All positions filled & I need to go back to best player available/eye on sensitive positions (PG or C)… I pass on Corey Maggette, who had another one of his often injured/when when he’s healthy seasons for me last year, when I took him in the third. I have a terrible feeling, like maybe this is a bad idea. Then again, it was probably from taking Mike James in the 7th.

selflessamy: I just want you to know, I got this dude off waivers last year
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: the nba is so weird sometimes
selflessamy: …& there goes Maggette
selflessamy: probably he'll have a fantastic year now

We were are in the depressing Sam Cassell/Mike Miller/Danny Granger range. It’s only the 8th round.

selflessamy: here's who is left on my Forward list: Nenad Krstic, Wally World, Channing Frye
selflessamy: SIX MORE ROUNDS TO GO!!
one in A MYlion: haha

I’m looking for a backup C now. Sam Dalembert, my old waiver wire friend/find is still around…& then he’s not.

selflessamy: OH NO!! Dalembert!!
selflessamy: next C on my list is Raef!!
one in A MYlion: oh....that's horrible

As I am reluctantly pressing the button to take Nenad Krstic as my backup center, I can only console myself that Nazr Mohammed went 2 picks ago.

selflessamy: oh God
one in A MYlion: oh dear
selflessamy: everything sucks
one in A MYlion: that's true

Meanwhile, Amy F has taken Ricky Davis, I believe not for the first time. Wow. Brave.

selflessamy: oh look, Mike Dunleavy's still there
selflessamy: F YOU, Mike Dunleavy!
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: the only thought is.....nellie ball?
selflessamy: I don’t care.

Roud 9 rolls around & we are scraping the barrel.

one in A MYlion: so he took wally right before me
one in A MYlion: *sigh*
selflessamy: I can't believe I'm kinda depressed about that
one in A MYlion: haha

In Round 10, Mike “Breakout year, my butt!!” Dunleavy goes 3 picks after I take 3-point specialist (should I really be taking specialists in Round 10?) Kyle Korver & 2 picks after Amy F takes Vladimir Radmanovic for the second year in a row. Round 11.

one in A MYlion: whoa....antoine walker is still in the league...why isn't him higher?
selflessamy: omg...don't do it...
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: didn't happen
selflessamy: oh...thank God
one in A MYlion: but didn't he have an okay year last year?
selflessamy: I don't care

Ah, Antoine Walker. I love Jamison, but the Antoine/Antawn year in Dallas was a fiasco. It basically made me vow never, ever to draft selfish, ball-hogging, low shooting % Antoine Freak Walker. Amy takes Rafer Alston. Meanwhile, I am having massive internal conflict.

selflessamy: something very bad is about to happen
one in A MYlion: lol
one in A MYlion: i sense it already
selflessamy: here it comes

Yes. It was Kurt Thomas time.

one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: L:YIO#HIJE:Oui4uou43jiodsjfhhi;

This is officially a disaster. I have Chris Webber AND Kurt Thomas. I have Chris Webber and Kurt Thomas!!

selflessamy: you know your fantasy draft has gone horribly horribly wrong when...
selflessamy: someone just took Damp...I feel marginally better
one in A MYlion: totally

Finally, in the 12th & last round, after I am forced to take someone whose first name is Smush, Amy F takes almost the full two minutes to finally resign to what she was about to do. Tragically, Antoine Freaking Walker has fallen out of the top ten rounds. Meanwhile people were starting to take guys like “Legally Insane” Stephen Jackson & Raef LaFrentz. And so…

selflessamy: oh. no.
one in A MYlion: well that made me shudder
selflessamy: me too, dude, me too
selflessamy: now I know why it took you almost the whole time
one in A MYlion: no kidding right?

Well that seals it as far as whether we’re doing another league. I can’t get over it. Antoine Freaking Walker!

selflessamy: wow
selflessamy: nice practice draft!
one in A MYlion: haha
selflessamy: I still can't believe I have Webber & Kurt Thomas
selflessamy: that was good times
one in A MYlion: yeah
one in A MYlion: fun
one in A MYlion: it was done just to pass the time and practice for the next draft
selflessamy: right
selflessamy: definitely
selflessamy: I'm all warmed up for the real draft now
one in A MYlion: totally
selflessamy: I still can't believe I'm starting C-Webb
one in A MYlion: haha
one in A MYlion: i have antoine walker
one in A MYlion: *sigh*
selflessamy: I'm so, so sorry
one in A MYlion: he's firmly on the bench
selflessamy: what if all your other guys suck?
selflessamy: do u stick to your principles?
one in A MYlion: yeah
selflessamy: good for you!

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

light in the midst of depressing hopeless pitching-starved darkness

Most of the time, you post here b/c one of your pitchers managed to record an ERA above 50 without getting an out. Or your first round pick punches out some guy at the Palace Brawl & gets suspended for 25 games. Or you accidentally traded for Randy Moss, and you hate Randy Moss.

And then sometimes, you remember why you play.

So yesterday, after finally getting Internet installed after my move, I peek in on my baseball team & realize I'm in the playoffs and down 0-8 on the week. Annoyed, I make a few random moves, picking up a little known young Marlins pitcher named Anibal Sanchez.

And today, Anibal Sanchez throws a no-hitter.

Really, does it get better than that?

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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

a sense of deja vu

There comes a point in every fantasy baseball season when I start to feel like I've been here before. It's kind of like being a Rangers fan. Mediocre team who doesn't deserve to make the playoffs & even if they got there, like my fantasy team has managed to slip in, they'd just get crushed in the first round, which would probably cause Tom Hicks to do something incredibly stupid, like reacquire Alex Rodriguez, or force Buck to put one of his sons in the starting rotation (and the sad part is they'd probably pitch better than Chan Ho ever did here, despite the fact they're all business executives whose most strenuous daily task is attempting to connect a four-way conference call).

Anyway, after I blindly bluffed my way through my football draft & then immediately accidentally traded for Randy Moss, I must have been feeling a little masochistic b/c I decided to take a closer look at my baseball team, which had recently and miraculously made the playoffs. Here is a breakdown of what happened with my drafted players:

C: Varitek/Barrett
Varitek had a down year. Luckily. He's currently on the DL, & the BoSox are busy sliding all the way out of the playoff race. Barrett turned out to be one of my pleasant surprises, except for the part where he punched AJ Pierzynski just for being AJ Pierzynski & got suspended for 10 games.

1B: Konerko/Morneau
Possibly my position of most boneheaded decisions. I sold my soul for speed early in the season, panicking after realizing I had drafted exactly one player with 10 stolen bases the previous year. So I gave away Konerko for Mike Sweeney, who immediately went on his bi-weekly trip to the DL, & Scott Podsednik, who has since not only stopped stealing bases, but also went ahead & stopped hitting too. ("Can't steal if you're never on base," his manager remarked, carefree as can be as I tried to keep from smashing my hand through my laptop.) Meanwhile, Morneau got off to a slow start & I, not thrilled about having drafted him in the first place, decided to cut bait. I picked up Chris Shelton, who spent a wonderful, magical month and a half emulating Big Papi & then did nothing for the next three. Of course it took me until mid-June to finally give up on him. Meanwhile Morneau started playing out of his mind the moment he realized he was free from my clutches & practically sprinted for 100 RBIs. It was a disaster.

2B: Utley/Loretta
Utley was my prize pick. I took him too early in the second round, but it's turned out he's been worth it several times over. He's a fantasy god among secondbasemen mortals. Loretta turned out to be a good pick, except I didn't keep him. Of course.

3B: A Ramirez/Chavez/E Encarnacion
This started out as my most loaded, greatest strength postion. I had a proven stud, Ramirez, a very steady & underrated producer, Chavez, & a touted sleeper, Encarnacion. Early on, it was peaches. Chavez was brilliant. I got all sorts of trade offers, but why would I trade him when he's having such a GREAT YEAR!?!? WHY OH WHY didn't I trade him!?! Chavez, bothered by injury, fell like a fat kid upon cake. Despite constant, infuriating talk of it, he selfishly refused to go on the DL, instead sitting on a wasted, undeserved & completely undroppable spot on my bench for the entire year, slowly eating away at my soul & patience until, when I saw him at a Rangers game last week, I wanted to go up to him & shake him screaming "WHY?!? WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME LIKE THIS?!?!" But probably I'd get banned from the Ballpark & then I wouldn't have to the yearly pleasure of watching the Rangers finish third again.

SS: Barmes/Renteria
Barmes, so solid last year until a freak injury involving deer meat & my fantasy nemesis Todd Helton (who taught me hate & distrust & so many other life lessons), immediately began a yearlong quest to lose his job. Dropping him long ago, I've spent most of the year living off one shortstop. Luckily, Renteria had a solid year, or else I might have had to jump out a window.

OF: C Lee/Wells/Mench/Pena
"A constant source of aggravation and despair" is probably how I'd describe my outfield. Lee was fantastic, until he was traded to the Rangers of course. ("TEXAS: Where Pennant Races & Good Fantasy Years Go to Die.") Wells had a good year. And that's about as much as you can say about my outfield. Mench had that well-documented shoe-propelled 7-homers-in-7-games dream fantasy stretch, then proceeded to fade to oblivion & eventually get traded to it (Milwaukee). Pena started out as a sparingly-used bench player who--my guys always have the best timing--got a chance to start pretty much as I was dropping him.

SP: Santana/Schmidt/Sheets/Suppan/C Lee/Perez
Santana was Santana. My gamble on Schmidt paid off, he has 10 wins & an ERA under 4. My ridiculously moronic pick of Sheets in the 7th round proved even more stupid than I'd originally thought. He had three separate vacations at his second home, the DL. To be fair, he also won me the "Whose Key Fantasy Player Will Land on the DL the Fastest" award in my league by not even making it to opening day. So, you know, thanks Ben! Suppan & Perez were both worthless, Cliff Lee was up & down & exasperatingly never bad enough to drop, causing me to watch occassional Indians games on ESPN when he was starting with a death grip on the couch arm.

RP: Rivera/Weathers

Rivera is having a slightly below-average season & didn't justify a 4th round pick. David Weathers had one good month & then went back to being David Weathers. Luckily, this was the position I had some excellent waiver wire luck. The first time the BoSox were in town to play the Rangers, I watched a starter-turned-setup-guy I'd never heard of named Jonathon Papelbon take the closer job away from Keith Foulke in two days. Before he'd even struck out his last Ranger on his way to helping the Rangers start what was obviously going to be yet another truly painful season, I was running to my computer to pick him up. Later in the season, when Buck finally gave up on "Win Stopper" Coco Cordero & gave him a "break" from the closer job for a week, I rushed to pick up Akinori Otsuka. Coco went to oblivion (Milwaukee) & Aki got 26 saves for my team.

So in conclusion, I'm going to the playoffs, proving once again that even a clueless commoner like myself can manage a team better than Tom Hicks & Buck Showalter.

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Thursday, May 25, 2006

amazingly, I did not own Todd Bertuzzi

Yeah. I had Jermaine O'Neal the year of the Palace Brawl. First round pick, even. I had Kenny Rogers last year, although I did manage to trade him one week before he took out the cameraman.

So yes, of course I own Michael Barrett, he of inexplicable-punch-to-AJ-Pierzynski-possibly-solely-because-he-is-AJ-Pierzynski fame.

The suspension hasn't come down, which is only making me angrier because, in my panic, I had put Barrett on my bench & played ice cold Jason Varitek, thereby missing Barrett's RBI triple the next day after taking consecutive 0-fers from him before the brawl.

I should go back & make sure I didn't own Todd Bertuzzi. He'd fit right in on my team.

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